Meredith, this is crazy. Since March of this year EIGHT people who I dated in the past have resurfaced after ghosting – and then ghosted again. My friend says it's zombie-ing (a ghost who comes back to life is a zombie?). I'm dismayed.
Each one of these men was a solid candidate the first time around, promising me the moon and taking me out on fantastic dates ... then they disappeared. I let them go, I put up no fights, and pressed no one for time or answers. Side note: none of the dates went past a small handful and went further then kissing, nor was anyone pressing further. Anyway, they come back, I agree to another date thinking that time changes people's circumstances so why not, and then again they ghost again.
I would love your thoughts on how to deal with this because it's disheartening. I enjoy online dating and accept when things don't work, usually, but this pattern is catching up to me.
– Zombies are the new ghosts?
I suppose you could make a rule that if someone ghosts you, they don't get a second chance. It's not a bad idea. If a person takes the time to get to know you and then disappears without a goodbye (after multiple dates), they haven't earned any more of your attention. Time can change people's circumstances, but this is more about communication and respect. It doesn't take much effort to send a text that says, "Hey, I'm not in an excellent place to date right now; I'm sorry." Or whatever.
I do love that you said you "enjoy online dating." So many people who write in seem to despise it but understand that it's a means to an end. In your case, you might be experiencing your first bout of dating fatigue. When people write in about that, we tell them to take a break. It can help to just stop and breathe for a bit.
Also know that if it's gone past a few dates and someone disappears, you can give yourself a little closure by writing up your own final words. Sending a text that wishes someone the best can the best way to vanquish a zombie.
Readers? Have you experienced this? Have you done this? Why disappear twice?