Lately I've had a bit of an issue with dating apps. I've been on a variety of apps for about three years now, but have only found success on Hinge. That is, I go on dates pretty frequently but can count on one hand the number of non-Hinge dates I've had in those three years. Typically, I go on a first date and either it's not a great fit or we hit it off and text for a few days before I stop receiving responses (can we call it "ghosting" after a single date?).
However, I went on my first second date about a month and a half ago. We ended up going on three dates before we stopped seeing each other. Since then, I've been on two first dates that went well and led to texting ... and then nothing. To add to this, I'm noticing that the profiles I see on Hinge are repeating. Living in New York, this is particularly disheartening. Have I gone through every woman on Hinge I could potentially match with?
I'm always back at square one, and it feels like I'll end up waiting another three years for a second date. I've gone back on a few other apps (Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel) but still no dates from there. Any thoughts on how I can break out of this cycle? How to have my success on Hinge carry over elsewhere? Even just how to meet people not on apps? Admittedly, all of my past relationships have been platonic-turned-romantic, so even though it's been three years of dating apps, it all still feels very new to me.
- Stagnant in the City
Maybe there should be an app for people who spent the early part of their dating lives in platonic-turned-romantic relationships. It could cater to people who want to make a bunch of friends ... with potential. It could be called something like ... Build.
Someone get on that, please.
You're having a pretty typical experience in the dating world, unfortunately. So many people tell me they can't get past a first outing when they meet someone on an app. It's easy to lose momentum.
In your case, it sounds like you could use a break from the cycle. You might also benefit from spending more time humans, off your phone. We get so many letters about loneliness and dating fatigue, and sometimes the best answer is to put yourself in as many new places as possible. You can meet people offline, but it does require going out a lot.
Some activities will be more fruitful than others. In that "how do you meet someone" podcast episode we did about taking classes (Season 2, Ep 9), it was revealed that at the Cambridge Center for Adult Education, something like 80 percent of the students are women. I have to imagine there are some excellent places for social learning in New York.
I know these aren't easy answers. I know it feels like work. Give yourself permission to rest before you get back at it again.
Readers? Have you had luck on one app but not others? How do you balance looking and resting? Why have you lost momentum before a second date?