He lives with his ex to raise his daughter

Chat at 1.

I've been dating this guy for a little over a year now, and he has a 2-year-old. In the beginning of our relationship, I kept finding out on social media that he'd gone places with his ex and his ex's family. Months later, I saw that they all went to a festival together in a different state with some friends. (He told me and had proof that they didn't sleep in the same bedroom.)

When he came back, he told me he has been living with his ex for three years because of their child. Ever since he shared that, he communicates a lot more. He's afraid to tell his ex about us (she's stubborn), and afraid to move out because she's threatened she'll get full custody. He can't do anything because he doesn't have a job. He watches his daughter six days a week because his ex works night shifts. He can only go out one night a week. We can only see each other for a couple of hours every other day.

Him being in his situation has made it hard for us to take the next step in our relationship. Since he was lying in the beginning, it's still kind of hard to trust him to tell me what's happening between him and his ex. Is it worth waiting to see where this can go?

– Stuck


Right now, it can't go anywhere. He's told you as much.

There's no plan for more childcare, no strategy for bringing you into his life. When you date someone with kids, you have to be patient and flexible, but he hasn't even told his ex/roommate that you exist. After a year together, you're still someone he has to sneak out to see. That's not working for you.

Commenters often noice when letter writers don't mention anything positive about a relationship. I have to assume that some people forget to share those nice details because they're focused on their problem (that's why they're writing in, after all). But in other cases – including yours – the absence of the positive seems relevant.

It took this man months to tell you where he lives, and now you can't trust him. You're unsatisfied by what he can offer, and he can't give you much more. You want to know if you should wait to see where this goes. I think you've waited long enough.

– Meredith

Readers? Any reason to stick around?