I was supposed to move to him – then he dumped me

I've been in a long-distance relationship with someone for three years. We have our differences in culture, race, and religion, but we pushed that aside. We enjoyed each other's company and we always felt comfortable with each other. He had faith in our relationship, and even though we were long-distance, we'd use Skype and behave as though we were living together. Every four months we would meet each other because of my work (I get seven days off every four months). He kept saying he loved me, he didn't want to loose me, and mentioned that he cried when he had a random dream that I died.

But last month he asked for a breakup. He said he didn't love me enough. I tried to move on. Later, after he found out I had spent the night with someone else, he called and said he thought about me a lot and worried that he might not find someone as great. What's going on? I know that long-distance relationships can be tiring, but I have two months left of my job/internship, and I had planned to live with him after that. He ended it at the last minute – after three years. I want to move on, to be able to love again, but should I keep trying with him? I need to understand what he meant when he said he doesn't love me enough.

– Help


This is why it's a good idea to stop all communication (for a while, at least) after a breakup. It sounds like you continued to be in touch with him after he ended it, which gave him the chance to lean on you as he processed all of his feelings. He was second-guessing himself. He was jealous when he heard you were with someone else. All of that makes sense, but he should have talked to a friend about it. You're the wrong audience for this.

You say you need to understand what he meant when he said he didn't love you enough, but I think the message was pretty clear. Even though you've been a great partner in many ways, you're not the endgame. He can't commit to living together or planning for more. You were so close to being with him all the time – enjoying each other in person instead of Skyping all night. But he chose to let go. Doesn't that say enough?

He told you he's afraid he won’t find someone who's as great as you, but there's not much you can do with that information. He's not telling you he made a mistake. He's not taking anything back or explaining his decision. He's asking for more of your attention because he's nervous about what happens next. From now on, remember that you're starting a new chapter of your life – and you don't have to pick up the phone.

– Meredith

Readers? What's happening here?