Also, thank you to everyone who let me know that if a man hands me a muffin on the T, I should not eat it. Practical advice.
I think I'm losing my boyfriend. I think he's going to dump me at the end of our lease.
We've been together for about three years now. He helped me get out of my last relationship and I slowly started to fall for him. We had such a close relationship at first; we couldn't stand not seeing each other and we were always intimate. He's loved me more and treated me better than anyone else ever has. We planned our future together. As time went on, we moved in together and adopted pets.
Lately we've been fighting and I've said some pretty mean things he never deserved to hear. I've apologized and have tried my hardest to make things right. Recently he expressed that he is unhappy in our relationship and isn't sure what to do to repair us – or if we're worth repairing. He's also expressed that he holds grudges but does not want to talk about whatever grudges he's holding against me. We're stuck in a lease for the next two months and I feel as though he's going to leave me when it's up. I'm not sure what to do as he is not one to express his feelings. He would rather bottle them up. All I want is for him to be happy, and I'd love to be part of his happiness. What do I do?
- lost and confused
It's time to bring up the most practical (and uncomfortable) issue – that the end of the lease has started to feel like some kind of deadline. If you're going to break up, you'll need to start looking for new housing. And if you're going to sign that lease again, you need to know why.
I love your second to last sentence, the one that prioritizes happiness. I hope you've said as much to your boyfriend. When you talk about the lease, you can also let him know what happiness looks like to you. You want to fight less and to be kind. You want to make it possible for him to let go of those grudges. You're willing to do whatever work is necessary. Is he?
You can ask him if he'd consider counseling. It might help to go, especially if he has trouble talking about those grudges. Please know that if he'd rather not talk about any of this – if he's committed to keeping the most important feelings in a bottle – he might not be the right kind of partner for you. You want someone who can have difficult conversations and work through the worst of it.
Readers? Is it over?