I’m struggling to move on

The Season 3 trailer of the Love Letters podcast is up. Enjoy.

Hey Meredith,

Last summer, I met this guy on a dating app. I hadn't felt that way about someone in a very long time. I was getting over a three-year relationship that was pretty toxic, and he was about a month out of a three-year relationship that ended because of distance. His ex had moved to new city for a job and that's why they broke it off.

We spent the whole summer together, and it really was incredible. I met his friends, and they sort of became my friends. We took trips to the city together, and spent nights at each other's places.

Because of his job, he works in my hometown for the summer and then goes south for the winter. Before he left for the season, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I, of course, said yes. I went to visit him down south, and he was so excited for all of his friends to meet me. I felt like we were getting so much closer.

Three days after I came back home, he broke up with me. He told me that the distance was too much for him, and that he missed me too much – even though he would be back for the summer in four months. About a month after the breakup, his ex-girlfriend (whom I heard nothing but bad things about) was back in the picture and visiting him (he consequently blocked me on Instagram). Then his ex wound up moving again, this time farther away.

He contacted me again when he was back this summer, but it was all over the place. We would talk for a few days, then nothing. When he finally agreed to see me, he brought me around all of his friends again and it was like how things used to be. After we saw each other, the confusing behavior persisted and I came to find out that he was still seeing his ex, but also still talking to me. We ended things for good and he told me that it was all too much for him right now, but he said that maybe in a year we could try again. He's continuing to see his ex, so I know most of what he told me about wanting to try again was a lie. For some reason, I am having a very difficult time moving on from this. I think the proximity is part of what is making it hard to forget him, knowing he’s is back for the summer and in my hometown. I struggle because I don't know how it was so easy for him to cut me out of his life especially when all of our memories are right here.

I want to get back to being happy and not spend every minute wondering what he is doing.

- Sad Always


You have every right to feel sad and disappointed. You spent months looking forward to this summer, and then he bailed and there was no reward. This guy is down the street (or multiple streets) and chooses not to reach out. I understand why you've spent a lot of minutes wondering why.

You should get some relief by winter. (I assume he'll be leaving within the next month or two?) Once he's gone, you’ll know that no matter what he's up to, it's far from you. Hopefully there will be less of an urge to track his whereabouts, and you'll begin to feel like home is yours again. Because it is. This man represents one good summer, but there will be more, with others. By next year, you'll have new desires and priorities. It might be fun (and very helpful) to start fantasizing about what they might be.

I wish I could tell you why he dropped out of this relationship and chose his ex. All I know is that it's best to stop following their progress. Block yourself from any accounts that give you updates. Do not ask mutual friends for news. You deserve to be free of their narrative. Better to focus on your own.

– Meredith

Readers? Any way to get over this with him in town?