Good morning. Here are some updates from former letter writers. The first is from someone who wanted a daily check-in:
As you suggested, we started doing mid-week hangouts. Things definitely got better. After discussing the three days of no communication, he has been VERY good about contacting me. I ended up needing to move for work, so I chose a place 30 minutes away from him, which made the commute much easier. Then the place he was living ended up being sold, so suddenly we are living together! It was a whirlwind, but things couldn't be better and now that we have a daily routine, my worries are no longer there. The thing about living together is that I assumed I was much busier than him, which just isn't true. We both have hectic lives so that gave me a new perspecitive.
There were a lot of commenters with great advice and to all of you, thanks so much! I appreciated the realistic guidance. ... Then there were a lot of not-so-kind people. I do have anxiety, I do go to therapy, but I also don't think that asking for someone to respond to a text message once in 24 hours (like you would do with work emails) is wrong.
Thanks again. I enjoy your column everyday and love your podcast!!
I'm glad that worked out – and interesting note about what that letter writer assumed about her boyfriend's schedule.
This second update is from someone who had to plan a wedding.
It has been 4 years! Thank god. Good riddance to that wedding. We did have it, it was fun, but we both agreed it was a waste of time and money and NOT worth the amount of stress that came out of it. A lot of the comments mentioned my "poor fiancé," and that he would be living a sexless life. I am happy to report that things turned around. Sometimes you can't see the forest through the trees, and having you and other commenters point out, "Hey, you identified what's wrong, that's half the battle" was helpful. One of the most useful things someone pointed out was that there are always going to be things to stress me out and if that was going to kill my libido every single time, we were in trouble. It felt a little harsh at the time, but I took it to heart. Because after the wedding, we bought a house. And then got a dog. And life keeps happening, regardless of how hard you're pumping the brakes.
These days my meds are in sync, I quit my stressful job and got a new one, I started yoga (for sanity) and spinning (for cardio), and I'm never planning a wedding again. Almost 12 years in, we are still super into each other, in and out of the bedroom. Of course, there are weeks that can be lackluster, but things feel lighter and easier. AND I've learned to cope with stress much better so that every single thing life tosses my way doesn't send me into a tailspin. Cheers to self improvement!
That one was nice too. See you all tomorrow.