Was he trying to break up with me?

Hi Meredith,

I'm 26 and in my first serious relationship with an amazing guy. We've been together eight months and it has seemed too good to be true in many ways. He's kind, smart, funny, and we connect really well. However, he brought up some concerns recently and I got scared he was trying to end things. He has a very demanding job with a lot of travel, and I only see him about once a week or once every two weeks when he's got back-to-back trips. I see him every time he's in town and he always prioritizes me when he has free time (often over time for himself or others).

However, he shared that he thinks he's taking advantage of me and that I deserve someone who's around more. Of course I'd love to see him a little more often, but I really can't complain because he's giving me all the time he can, and when he's with me, he's so present. I'm worried he might be recalling what happened with his ex from a few years ago. She would often get upset when they didn’t talk or see each other every day. I desire a bit more space and have shared this with him. He seemed to believe me, and things have continued to go well. However, I still have this nagging and maybe anxious voice that says he was trying to break up with me. What do you think? Do guys ever say they feel they don't deserve you out of insecurity? Or is it usually a sign that he knows I'm not right for him?

– Insecure

"Do guys ever say they feel they don't deserve you out of insecurity?"

People do and say all sorts of things. I can't tell you whether this particular man was trying to back out of the relationship. It doesn't sound like he was, but it's not very productive to guess. All you can do is consider his actions, which are all pretty wonderful so far.

I do understand why you were alarmed by the question, but once you answered it, things went back to normal. He didn't use the conversation as a way to stake a step back. Maybe that nagging feeling is about happiness. The talk highlighted how much you care about this person, and how sad you'd be to let him go. You're nervous because it feels like there's a lot on the line. That makes sense.

Try to breathe through these moments of insecurity, and when that does't help, ask questions. Also know that you can be 100 percent honest about what you want. You do like your space, but you'd also appreciate more time with him. You don't have to pretend that it will be perfect like this forever.

Make sure you let him know how much you appreciate how present he is when he's around. There are a lot of people who could offer you more dates, more hours together as a couple, but that doesn't mean they'd be paying attention.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you get through this kind of insecurity?