I've been dating a man for about two months and the attraction is undeniable. It's the best sex of my life, he's got similar career and life goals, he's smart, makes me laugh when I'm panicking about nothing, he's grounded and tender. OK, OK ... yes, I'm in the honeymoon phase. But something is stopping me from going further into this relationship – the fact that he wants to move back to his home country in a few years, and he seems quite convinced he doesn't want to live here – Canada – long-term. And there is just no way I can see myself living where he is from.
I want to explore things with him for a bit longer, but I'm really afraid that in a few months or in a year, we'll just be in the same place – or rather, we won't be because we won't want to live in the same country. I'm 32 and I do want to have children. I know I still have time, but it just feels like at this stage in my life, dating someone "just for fun" seems like a bad idea. My head is telling me to run for the hills. But it's also telling me that meeting someone you really spark with is just not all that common. I just don't know if I can keep dating him while also keeping a cool head and not thinking too much about my future. Should I stay or should I go?
– Frozen in Canada
I wish I could tell you that love will fix all of this, and that when your boyfriend gets to know you better, he'll decide he never wants to leave Canada. I can't say that, though. If he is "quite sure" he doesn't want to stay, and you are in "no way" going to move to his country, that's the answer. Dragging this out won't make it any easier.
Your head is giving you the right advice here. It's saying, "Hey, this relationship is special and wonderful, but it's also going to end." Some of the best relationships do. It's disappointing, but at least you know all of this now, in month two. It would have been unpleasant to figure this out a year or two in.
You can deal with this by sitting this man down and letting him know your dilemma – that you like him too much to keep it casual, that you're looking for real partner, and that you won't be moving to his country. You can acknowledge the relationship's expiration date together. It won't be easy to walk away knowing he's in your area now, but you can remind yourself that you're planning for many years down the road. You're thinking about the rest of your life, and making room for the right person. If you know that can't be him, you need to start over.
Readers? Any reason to keep this going? After time, will someone change their mind?