I’m miserable about this ‘mature’ breakup

New episode up. It's called "Eat, Pray, Love, Eat."

Hi Meredith,

I am 20 years old and my boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. We had been in a relationship for almost five months. For the first month of the relationship, we were happy. But then we went long-distance for three months, and when we got back to campus, everything felt different. He was dealing with a lot of stress and it felt like he didn't want to see me. I found myself pulling back to not impede on his life. We had trouble planning our schedules to see each other.

Two weeks into the semester, he broke up with me, saying that he wasn't in the headspace to be in a relationship right now due to his stress. I don't know if this is his actual reason but this is what he told me. I loved him and I never got to tell him that. All of my friends have been telling me that this breakup was mature, and I agree that neither of us were happy and I can't change how he is feeling right now. But I am scared that wanting to be "mature" is making me lose somebody I love. I want to tell him that I love him and I want to fight for him and be there for him. What should I do?

– (Mature) First Heartbreak


Opting for immaturity (if that's what we're calling it) won't bring your relationship back.

I understand your instinct to beg, plead, and bargain, but those of us who've done that after breakups will tell you it won't make much difference. This ex (that's what he is) didn't say, "I think we should end this because I'm not sure you care about me enough." He didn't ask for your support during this stressful time.

Instead, he told you that he doesn't have room in his life for you right now. He wants less obligation, less connection. If you show up at his doorstep telling him you love him, you're asking for even more.

It's a weird instinct, this need to go all in when someone asks to be out. I understand; I’ve experienced it, too. But if you tell him you love him, you'll be making it clear that you refuse to hear or believe him. He doesn't want to fight for this. It's painful, but that's the truth.

You should think about whether you're really in love with this ex. Sure, you were excited about him. You loved spending time with him and were hopeful for more. Now you want to fight for all you believed was coming, not what you actually had for most of your relationship. Please remember that the best of your time together didn't last very long.

– Meredith

Readers? Is it time to get immature?