Is it too soon to be this smitten?

Hi Meredith,

I'll make things short and quick. I was in a stagnant relationship for two years with a man who put up walls and strung me along, and I kept letting it happen. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore. Four months ago, it ended, finally, but it felt like it was over long before there was an official breakup.

Within one month of really disconnecting from this ex (blocking him, etc.), I met a man – a wonderful man, who is communicative, inspiring, funny, and respectful. In some ways, based on interests, he is almost like the male version of me. We click in so many ways. I'm spending a ton of time with him and I want to see him even more.

I loved my ex. I still love him because deep down, inside what could be an awful shell, he is a good man. Just not the man for me. That's why it's so surprising that I've completely fallen for this new man and can't fight it – and don't want to. I want something to be wrong, because I'm so smitten. Is it too soon to be this smitten? Is it a red flag that I am?

- Smitten too Soon


It's not too soon to be this smitten. It’s possible to like someone a lot after three months. It doesn’t mean there's something wrong with him – or you. Some might call this the honeymoon phase. I'd call it a mix of excitement, hope, pleasure, and relief. There's nothing wrong with feeling this kind of happiness.

Whenever you feel insecure about this new relationship, remember that your last partnership ended long before the breakup. You knew it was over before anyone walked away. That means you've had plenty of time to think about why it wasn't working and what you'd want from your next boyfriend.

Also, everyone wants to know if they're going to get hurt. So many letters have this kind of big question written in invisible ink, and if I had one of those decoder pens, I would see it. "Will this end badly?" "Am I wasting my time?" "Is this for real?" My only answer is that starting a new relationship involves accepting risk and trusting yourself to walk away if you need to. Yes, this shiny new person might prove to disappoint you, but if he does, you can handle it.

It's also possible he won't disappoint you at all, and you'll both stay smitten. Wouldn't that be nice?

– Meredith

Readers? Too soon?