I never got my stuff back

Hey Meredith,

A couple months back, I took my now ex-girlfriend to a wedding and we had a couple of public fights there. At first, I thought, it happens; couples fights. I loved her and although she didn't say it back, I really thought we were going somewhere. We talked the whole next week via phone and text, but then she grew distant. She began cancelling plans, then the following week she didn't text me for hours. I asked her if her plans with her family were still on and she lied to me about it, and then I asked over Snapchat if we were all right, and she ended it – on Snapchat – saying she was not in a good headspace and that she was taking it out on me, and that she needed to focus on school and work and make herself happy.

Since then, I've been trying to get my stuff back from her, but to no avail. Every time I reached out she'd just remove another method of communication. She blocked my number, my Snapchat, and disconnected with me on Facebook. I had a friend ask her a month back if she had sent my stuff and my ex told her yes, but it's a month later and I still don't have it. While I know I'll probably never get my stuff back, I still feel hurt when I think about it. I also have noticed that she keeps blocking and then unblocking me almost weekly. While I don't want to get back with her, I still feel very hurt and angry. How do I get past these feelings of anger about what happened?

– Heart Abandoned & Broken


"How do I get past these feelings of anger about what happened?"

It might help to give yourself some control. You have the power to block her. If you make that choice, you won't have to think about what she's doing on the other side of your social media. You won't have to wonder whether she's deemed you worthy of a follow.

You can also make peace with the loss of your stuff. I mean, if your belongings are valuable, even emotionally, you can consider making more formal requests through that friend for their return, but if we're talking about random stuff, you can decide to let go. At this point, having the stuff back might stress you out, too. They've become symbols of her.

You're hurt and angry for understandable reasons, so those feelings might last for a bit. There's no magic formula for getting over it on a schedule. Of course, it might help to channel some of that anger into distractions. When you think about your ex, force yourself to consider what qualities you might look for in your next partner. If you're thinking about your stuff, maybe it's time to find or make something new.

New is good.

– Meredith

Readers? Let the stuff go?