In January I contacted an ex girlfriend from 20 years ago (we are both 37 now). She responded and we started chatting. I asked her if she was married or had a boyfriend, and her response was, "single, no kids." So I asked if she would like to meet up for a drink and we did. We walked around and talked, holding hands. When we got to the end of the evening, I went for a kiss and so did she. At that moment, we fell back in love.
Things got hot and heavy, and both of us had never been happier. Life was going beyond great. At the end of February I proposed to her, and without hesitation, she said yes. We were also trying to have a child at this point, too. Although things were wonderful in our relationship, I had a weird feeling that something wasn't right. I tried to not pay any attention to it and just kept on enjoying her in every way. Any time spent together was amazing. It never mattered what we were doing; as long as we were together we were happy.
Finally, one month ago, I couldn't dodge the feeling I kept having, so I did some searching and found out that she actually had a boyfriend and also a child with him. I let it go and told her it was OK and that everyone deserves a second chance. I didn't get mad at all. She told me she broke up with him and moved in with a friend. Two weeks ago, I learned that she lied to me about that and was still with him. I got mad and said some things I shouldn't have to the boyfriend.
I know she did me pretty dirty, but I miss her terribly. I still love her and would take her back in a second. I am miserable without her. What do I do?
What do you do? You allow yourself to be miserable as you get over this breakup. You breathe a sigh of relief that you didn't wind up married to this woman – or co-parenting with her. Maybe you look into getting some therapy so you have the space to talk about this betrayal. I imagine you're confused about a lot of things right now. It'd be nice to have some help figuring out how all of this happened.
Just so you know, missing her is part of the process of getting over her. Of course you miss her. So much of the relationship was good and seemingly perfect; it makes sense you'd want all of that back. But when you have these moments of longing – when you think about the good times — try to remember where things stand now. She can't deliver what she promised. If you talked to her again, you wouldn't be able to trust what she had to say.
I'm sorry this happened. It's a shame that something that seemed too good to be true turned out to be just that. Now you know that before you commit to anyone, you should see them at home. It's part of understanding who they are.
Your relationship was on a fast track, but you don't have to push yourself to get over this breakup in record time. This phase is for reflection. Start there.
Readers? Now what?