I am 22 years old and a senior in college. I've been "dating" this guy (there's no spoken commitment) from Tinder for a little over two months now. He's the first person I've dated pretty much ever, and I'm falling for him more and more each day. Things are great 90 percent of the time. We talk almost every day, we see each other once a week (he lives an hour away), and we get a long really well. In my eyes, we've established this intimate, close relationship. We are comfortable around each other and know a lot about each other.
That being said, I still can't shake this feeling of something being off. It bothers me that he can't commit and it makes me feel like he's "dating" me because he doesn't want to hurt me. Like, he's too far down the rabbit hole and doesn't feel like he can tell me he wants out. Is this just an insecurity? I want him to be able to say he likes me, that he wants to be with me ... but I don't know if he's capable of that.
If I do want that, is he the person for me? I don't want to stop seeing him at all, but I'm aware there are things he's not giving me. Aside from all that, I'm moving at the end of May and he has commitments here. Should I run before it's too late? Are there too many red flags going against us? Things feel so magical and confusing and frustrating all at once. What should I do?
– Dazed and Confused
If I'm doing the math right, you've seen this man about eight or nine times. Maybe 10. That means you're still getting to know him.
It's possible that the "off" feeling is the discomfort that comes with a lack of control. Dating involves vulnerability and risk. You don't know the end of the narrative until you experience it, and sometimes it can change without warning. That's scary.
Communication can help. I mean, I wouldn't demand big answers, but it’s OK to ask him how he feels. Some people need a prompt, especially in the beginning.
You can also ask him if there's exclusivity in this relationship, just so you know how to manage your own dating priorities. It helps to know where you stand.
Try to remember that falling for someone is a lovely process (magical and confusing, indeed), but it doesn't mean you want forever. You can be smitten with someone and still know you'll move in May. Do your best to enjoy this one date at a time. You don't want big promises when you can't make them yourself.
Readers? What does the "off" feeling represent?