He’s the owner of the club

Hi, Meredith,

I am seeing this guy who’s a bit older than I am. He's 45. I'm 23. He's a club owner. I met him through a mutual friend about six months ago. He knew who I was from my being at his club in the past, so when I added him on Instagram, he took his shot at me. We exchanged numbers and have been seeing each other ever since.

In the beginning, he had invited me personally to his club and actually made it seem like we were dating (hold hands, private security, etc). I wanted a relationship with him. He knew it but insisted that he couldn't give that to me right away, but that we could potentially have more commitment in the future. I'm very frustrated now because my feelings for him have only grown. But now he doesn't invite me to his club, events, or on any dates! He always hits me up after hours and sometimes during the day leading up to that.

He always claims that he's busy and I know how his lifestyle is, but I've always known that if a guy wants to be with you or spend time with you, he will! Not to mention that he has been divorced, he has a 1-year-old, and I believe he's in an open relationship with someone.

I know I shouldn't have to settle for less. I wait for him to text and make moves because I don't want to seem annoying or as if I'm bothering him. It's almost as if I'm waiting on something I'll never have. It's been almost a month since I've seen him. I even went a couple weeks without hitting him up but he never budged. All he did was check my Instagram posts! I'm just confused because in the beginning it was different.

– Waiting for him


"It's almost as if I'm waiting on something I'll never have."

That’s it. That’s the answer.

You're never going to get what you want from this guy, at least not on your terms. He's showing and telling you that he's not interested in a relationship.

You're confused about what was happening in the beginning. All I can say is that the early part of a relationship can be so much fun, but what happens next is the most important thing. This man was wooing you. He was deciding whether he wanted you in his life in a more significant way. Then he was done. He didn't want what you had to grow.

The Instagram stuff means nothing. It is very easy to click on a tiny circle and watch someone's story. It's the most passive way to see what someone's up to; you don't even have to be that curious. I watched an entire Instagram story the other day before thinking, "Wait, I don't even know who this is." (It was some woman from my high school who I haven't seen in decades.) Do not let his mild interest in your life confuse you.

He made you feel special for a little while, but that's not a superpower. Other people will be able to do that too, I promise.

– Meredith

Readers? Explain why there was wooing ... and then no wooing.