I'm collecting updates from former letter writers. Did you write to us about a problem? What happened after that? Give us some closure with an update and send to: email@example.com with "update" in the subject line.
Also, new problems are welcome.
And enjoy today's episode of the Love Letters podcast, "Friends Without Benefits," which is about how to know whether a relationship could be more.
I feel like my boyfriend is cheating. Here are my reasons:
1. He takes forever to reply to me even when he's not at work. 2. He thinks that going days without speaking is OK, and I always initiate the conversations between us. 3. In the eight months I’ve known him, we have never – and I mean NEVER – spent a full day together. We don't hang out on the weekends and I've offered many times. 4. He got into an argument with his sister and she made a comment about how he had different girls over every night. He made it seem like she only said that because I was in the room, but when I asked her she said she had no reason to lie. 5. When I'm with him (once a week), he's the best and shows me love and affection, but he's very protective of his phone.
I have stupidly fallen for this guy. That one day a week means a lot and leaves me smiling. Maybe he’s not cheating, maybe he just doesn't want anything serious with me. I don't know what to do. I would do anything for him, but I'm not sure he would do the same for me. I broke up with him once and he was posting on Facebook about being a good boyfriend and just deep thoughts (mind you, I don’t follow him on Facebook but I still look at his profile). So naturally I thought he was upset and didn't want to lose me, and I asked him to give me another chance, which is when we got back together.
But he recently left for a trip to Florida and I had no idea he was going. He didn’t say anything to me about it and I’m very upset. It's not that he didn't ask me if I wanted to go, it's that he never mentioned it.
What should I do?
Let's say he's not cheating and just very busy. Maybe he's the kind of person who loves time alone.
Even without some big betrayal, he's still the wrong boyfriend for you. He's not giving you enough of what you want, and that makes you miserable.
You're using all of your extra time to develop theories about why he can't be the right partner, but what if you used that energy to focus on your own needs? What if you kept busy with other projects and found new companions who are open to giving you more?
Honestly, I don't think you've fallen for this boyfriend. Not really. I believe the one day you spend with him feels amazing because you've turned it into some great reward. Like something wonderfully, uniquely special, as opposed to a nice part of weekly your routine. The build up to that day inflates your boyfriend's importance – a lot.
You say you're smiling after you see him, but that doesn't last long. You spend the rest of the week unhappy and waiting.
End this relationship because no matter what he's doing, he's not the right match for you.