I have quite the situation here.
I have feelings for someone who doesn't like me back because ... I've never met him before. I have a celebrity crush.
Honestly, I would love to meet this person and get to know the real him. This celebrity crush is handsome, kind, stylish, goofy, sensitive – at least he seems to be. He is a popular singer and acts. This is definitely unrequited love for obvious reasons.
I'd rather not approach this person (if I ever have the chance to) as a fan. I know that meeting him is not an option (although I fantasize), but I wonder how to force myself to think about finding and falling for another person. I feel hopeless and frustrated. I know this could be seen as a joke but ... I don't know how to let this go. I like to dream about it. What's wrong with that?
Give me all the advice you've got because this confusing crush has me asking myself and others (like you) questions and waiting for answers. I do understand that you have to meet someone to actually love them.
- Starstruck Girl
One time I was sitting with some friends – and friends of friends – and we were talking about celebrity crushes, and I mentioned Robert Pattinson. I said something about how in my fantasy, I would date Robert Pattinson, and that we'd make a really good couple because he's shy and I'm outgoing.
I'd had like two Rieslings. I swear all of this made sense at the time.
After I said this – as a joke – someone responded, quite seriously, "Actually, in real life, Robert Pattinson isn't shy." Then the world stopped.
I realized (a little drunkenly) at that moment that a) someone I knew had a connection to my celebrity crush, and that b) I did not know my celebrity crush at all. The things I'd guessed about him were wrong. I wasn't shocked by that discovery, but some part of me – the part that loves to dream and pinned pictures of Christian Slater to my wall when I was 16 – was disappointed. I mean, I know my fantasy isn't going to become any sort of reality, but it was just sobering in a way that surprised me.
But here's the thing: I learned a bit from that revelation. I realized that the qualities I'd assigned to my celebrity crush were things I might be looking for in a person I could meet in real life. That's probably true for you, too. Pay attention to the attributes that are important to you. Look for them elsewhere.
Also know that your crush is meant to keep you hopeful, sort of like a favorite song. When my mom was really sick, my sister bought her a journal and told her to write down happy thoughts and fantasies – anything to look forward to while she was getting treatment for cancer. After my mom died, I noticed that some of her "wishes" involved doing things with "H.F." I was confused until I realized she was talking about Harrison Ford.
Your singer isn't really yours; he's just providing the soundtrack as you look for someone else. How thoughtful of him.
(Also, is it Harry Styles? I'm just guessing here.)
Readers: Please tell me your celebrity crush – maybe one you had when you were young. How did you get over it?