My fiancé and I moved in together six months ago and we've been dating for almost two years. I’m in my early 20s. We always got along well and only had minor disagreements, but that changed when we moved in together. He's become more controlling and throws a fit when I go and visit people – even my mom and grandma. He says this is because I was "wild before we got together."
He doesn't want me to go out without him but he doesn't do much with me outside of the house. We don't go out on dates often, and he doesn't take time to visit with my family. It's also difficult because I can't live in our apartment with my dog, so the dog stays with my family. I've never lived without a comfort animal.
I don't know if we're at odds or if it's just a mid-relationship issue. I'm worried this could grow to be a verbally and mentally abusive relationship and that I don't want to see the truth. I don't think it's normal for 20-year-olds to be bored at home. We have no children and we should be having fun. Instead we're inside because he's too worried that some guy is going to look at me. There's no trust. Can I get some advice please?
– Living Together
I'm so glad you moved in together before getting married. Now you know your relationship doesn't work when you're in the same home. A great partnership can make the world feel bigger, but your life has become suffocatingly small.
This man makes you feel trapped. He makes rules. That's no good.
You didn't say much about what did work about the relationship before you moved in. That happens a lot in Love Letters – people forget to tell us the positive. I have to assume there are some wonderful things about this man that would make it difficult for you to leave him. Still, I'm not sure the good can justify the bad. Also, your instinct is right; you should be concerned about abuse. Don't ignore your gut on that.
It sounds like you could benefit from space and time to think about what kind of marriage you want. The place to do that is your family's house, where you can sit with your dog and talk to people who love you. Your fiancé will not like this, but it's time to tell him that the status quo isn't working. If you're concerned about his response, let a family member know where you are and to come get you.
Readers? Time to go?