After one good date, should I try to reconnect?

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I went on a date with someone I met at an art show. It was my first (in my opinion) official date as an adult . Everything went fantastic. We both had a wonderful time and ended up sharing a very intimate evening until I was politely signaled to leave.

I asked if we would see each other again, and the answer was yes. However, a few days later this person texted me to let me know they weren't in a place to start anything new. That it's not the right time.

I was unfortunately very disappointed at the time and said some regretful things. I'm not sure If I should attempt to reconcile with this person, give them space and be patient, or avoid them completely. I really enjoyed our time together, and I'm fairly certain the feeling was mutual – but I don't want to be presumptuous by deciding to reach out in an attempt to reconnect. Should I try to reconcile and reconnect or just move on?

– Regretful


It's time to move on. You had one date and now the experience is over.

There are lessons here, though. The first is that rejection happens, even after very excellent dates. We've had so many letters from people who are say, "The night was perfect. Why does this person not want to see me again?" These mysteries are part of the process. It's worth noting that a lot of great couples had awkward first dates but decided to give it another shot – or two or three. The first few hours with someone won't tell you everything about them. Some people are great at magical first dates but that's all they ever want.

Second lesson? When you experience rejection and are told something you don't want to hear, take a beat – or six – before responding. If you feel misery and rage in the moment, ask for a little time to process. Do an exercise, call a friend, or just think and breathe for a few minutes. A distraction might prevent you from having to regret what you've said.

Learn from this. Then seek out more first dates. That's the best move.

– Meredith

Readers? Any reason to reach out?