I've know my boyfriend for six years and we've been dating for almost two. I'm 22 and he's 23. We were best friends throughout all of high school and into college, and then we started dating. We just decided we would try it out.
I was his first "real" girlfriend. He was also a virgin when we started dating, so I was really conscious about allowing that to be important. After four months, we started living together because he needed to get out of an abusive home. So now we've been living together for a year and a half, and I don't want to have sex with him anymore. He's absolutely fantastic. He's my best friend, we have great communication, he's supportive, and he's helped me through so much. But I’m never interested in him that way anymore. I struggled with depression for some time and that explained why I wasn't in the mood. But over the last few months I have become attracted to other people and would rather be with them than my boyfriend.
Sex was never a big part of our relationship and I was OK with that, but now that it's getting very long-term, it worries me. Part of me just wants to sacrifice my sex life just to be with him, but I don't think that's fair to him. What should I do?
– Not in the mood
"Part of me just wants to sacrifice my sex life just to be with him."
Yeah ... I don't think that’s going to work. You want a sex life with others. Continuing this is not fair to your boyfriend, or to you.
The two of you started this phase of your relationship as a test. There was a great friendship (and some attraction?) and you wanted to know if it could be more. It sounds like it got serious because of that bond, not because the romance was so important. Then it escalated again because he needed to find a new place to live.
The most important piece of all of this has been that close friendship. That's what this is – your default setting. He's loves you and supports you because he cares so much.
But you shouldn't be a couple. It's time to be honest about that. You love him and want to be there for him, but you can't commit to a romantic life with him. You want more for him – and for yourself. You can find other roommates.
He might need some space after this, but hopefully not forever. Let him start that process. The sooner, the better.
Readers? Any reason to keep trying? How do you explain this to a best friend?