After six years, is it time to break up?

Hi Meredith,

I have been dating my high school sweetheart for about six years. We have gone through ups and downs, done long-distance, dealt with trust issues, and I even forgave him for kissing another girl and lying to me about their relationship while he was traveling abroad. However, recently I have been feeling less interested in continuing this relationship. He really hurt me when he cheated and I feel like I can pinpoint that as the moment our relationship began to go south. I think I want to end things.

My friends keep telling me I should because I have never experienced anything other than him and I just don't seem happy anymore. I tell them it's complicated because I feel happy when I am with him. I have been tormenting myself about breaking up with him because we have been dating for six years and he helped me through my grandmother's death and my mom's cancer, and he's such a sweet and caring person. He constantly tells me how much he loves me but I see him more as a friend now. I know when I end things romantically, the friendship will end as well, and I think that's why I have postponing it so much.

I am terrified about making the wrong decision and possibly losing my boyfriend and best friend all at the same time. I am moving in the next month to a new apartment and I feel like if I am going to do it, it should be now, but I am still conflicted. Am I making the wrong decision about ending something with someone who really loves me? Should I give it more time?

– Done?


"Should I give it more time?"

You know what you want to do. There's no reason to delay the inevitable.

Please know, though, that grief and regret are two different things. You're bound to feel sad when you leave him. You might miss him and long for his company because he's such a big part of your life. But those negative feelings won't mean you've made the wrong decision. Breaker-uppers have to deal with the pain of loss, too.

The timing of this does seem right. The move makes it a great time to start fresh. Let him know how you feel and make all the points you outlined in this letter. You can start by telling him you're grateful for years of love and support. Then you can make it clear that your feelings have changed.

He might ask for time to try to make this better. He might want to apologize (again) for what he did while he was abroad. Please remind him that this isn't really about then; it's all about how you feel now. And what you feel is no longer enough.

– Meredith

Readers? Any reason to wait?