I’m more confident about the relationship than he is

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Hey Meredith,

I have been with my boyfriend for about four months and although that doesn't sound like a long time, I believe he might be my life partner. I see real potential for the future but he isn't so sure. He came to me about his worries that our life goals are different, we're different people, and that he wishes he was with someone he had more in common with. He said he feels guilty that he isn't as "obsessed" with me as I am him.

In a year and a half, he'll have to continue his education out of the country. Although I knew our future plans might not align the best and that having him go away for more education will be hard, I didn't see it as a deal-breaker. Also, I don't worry much about our common interests.

The confusing thing is that he doesn't want to break up now because of something that might be an issue later. This has made me feel really lost, as every other thing he brings up makes it sound like he just wants us to break up? I don't want to feel like I'm wasting time staying with him now that he's pointed out all of our flaws. I feel really hopeless because he keeps saying I'm the best girlfriend and that I've done nothing wrong. I'm not afraid of being alone, I am more worried that if we do break up now we will miss out on everything we could have had together. Please help, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

– “Obsessed”


It sounds like he's trying to bring some balance to relationship, to keep it grounded even though it makes you want to float. There are great things about your connection, clearly. But there's a list of very practical issues that won't just disappear. Your boyfriend wants to make sure you're seeing those yellow flags. Maybe they haven't turned red for him yet, but he wants to acknowledge that they could.

Really, you should take notice of those flags. After all, this is a honeymoon period for you, but who knows how you'll feel in two months. Or six. Maybe you'll long for someone who shares your interests. Someone who isn't going away to school. If you acknowledge all of the unknowns and let him know you're seeing things as they are , it might make the relationship better. It might give it room to grow.

You can let him know you’re enjoying the smitten stage of this relationship, but that it doesn't mean you're obsessed or that you'll overlook real problems. That should take the pressure off.

At four months, maybe the best thing to be thinking is, "Let's see how it feels at six."

– Meredith

Readers? Is there potential here or is he trying to call it off?