What’s the point of having a crush right now?

You can send letters to loveletters@globe.com. You can get the newsletter here.

I've had a crush on a friend of mine. He likes me back like that, and we both know we like each other, but he's a slow developer on the love thing (demisexual), and we hadn't gotten to the point of actually being together before this special hell started. We haven't spent large amounts of time alone together, and we've never texted much. Now that I don't have excuses to see him anymore, I miss him. But I don't know if I should continue to try to develop this relationship under the current circumstances; we might not be able to see each other for many months, according to the news.

I've tried texting him a few times since shelter-in-place went down, and there was a group Zoom the other night that I saw him in, but he hasn't been super chatty. I presume there are reasons for that (most people are anxious and sad, and his family business is retail). He'll respond to a message but doesn't say much otherwise. Maybe he just wants me to buzz off, I don't know.

I want to deepen the relationship, but with the coronavirus curtailing everything, maybe it's better not to get more attached. I read all of these articles about dating now and I think, "What are you, nuts? You want to get an internet boyfriend now – when you can't even meet?" And yet, here I am. I really like him and he likes me, and I figured we would get together in time, but now everything's thrown asunder. I just don't know if I should take the hint from life, the world, and his general silence. And if I do keep trying, what do I do if he (or I) is generally feeling terrible and doesn’t have much to say? It's not like there's much that's fun to talk about right now.

Also, I have too much free time now to ruminate on this stuff.

– Crush


I do think it's worth having crushes right now. Even if it's all just fantasy, it stimulates the brain (and other things). Also, at some point, we will be able to leave our homes. Dating via Zoom might sound strange, but I'm hoping a lot of people will turn into in-person couples when all of this is over.

But your question is about this specific person and whether you should court him during quarantine. My thought is ... why not try? You don't know what to do or talk about, and I get it – there's very little to do, and talking can be scary and depressing right now.

That's why I'd ask him to share a movie with you. Under normal circumstances in Love Letters, I like to advise people to watch TV with their parters. That’s a good idea for now, too. Watching something with friends has kept me together these past few weeks. Sometimes I keep a friend on speaker while I watch a show, and we talk about it like we're on the same couch. I have one friend who's watching "Outlander" for the first time and she texts me as she goes. It gets the scary stuff off my mind for a few minutes at a time. Maybe tell him you’d like to try that with him. Also, there are online partner puzzles. Just saying.

If he says no, give him space on the romance front. Maybe ask him how you can be supportive during this complicated time.

I'm going to try to come up with a list of dates for people who aren’t in the same place but want to spend time together, so stay tuned. And I'd appreciate any tips in the comments section.

– Meredith

Readers? Any point to a crush or courtship right now? Suggestions for engaging this person?