He doesn’t respect my time

I'll see you after the holiday. Letters to loveletters@globe.com. Be safe outside.

So after being celibate for more than a decade, I met a man who put a spring in my step. I met him as a neighbor and we just chatted every so often. A year later I invited him to my 60th birthday party and I guess he finally got the hint I was interested in him. Of course we hit it off very well and lots of physical chemistry.

Two weeks into our dating, I had to go into corona quarantine. From the first date planned, he seemed to always have a problem with keeping the date or changing the time or issues with his cars, so I had to pick him up. I didn't think much of it, as he was really into me. Texting and calling daily. During the quarantine we did stay in touch and resumed our relationship after the two weeks. But then I noticed he is very vague about making plans with me, and we talked about it but still, it had to be on his schedule. I finally gave him the heave-ho when he texted me that he had to take a rain check for our date and he had just been next door visiting my neighbor. I have not contacted him since I told him no rain checks anymore. But I want to date him, I just want him to respect me and my time. Any advice?

– Timed Out


It sounds like you've made a decision about this person. You told him no more rain checks because you felt disrespected by his constant rescheduling. Then the contact stopped. That seems to be the end of the story. Right?

It also sounds like he wouldn’t be a very good partner for quarantine. This man was visiting your neighbor? Is he going into random people's houses? I don't get it.

I will say that the concept of time does feel a little weird right now. Sometimes a FaceTime call with family goes long and then the afternoon is over. Sometimes the thought of the pandemic is overwhelming, and a person has to sit for a bit and regroup before they have company.

Also, the idea of social time can make a person anxious. What felt OK at Week Three is different at Month Three. Maybe his boundaries have changed.

You could ask him how he feels about all of this, but you can also just let it go, especially if some of these issues started before mid-March.

You want someone who respects you and your time – someone who's available and can communicate their needs. My advice is to look for that person (who is not this man) when it's safe.

– Meredith

Readers? Visiting a neighbor but rescheduling dates?