Since COVID-19, ‘he calls me every day, sometimes even twice’

Letters to loveletters@globe.com.

Dear Meredith,

I met this amazing guy who is on the same page with me about a lot of things. I rely on him, feel comfortable around him, and we communicate well. But ... he doesn't give me space. This is especially hard for me because I'm a person who needs a lot of freedom. I like to live my own life and to have a partner who does the same. However, after seeing me for the second time, he told me he wanted a relationship.

I explained my situation to him straight away. I told him I don't want a relationship right now. He respected that but stuck around. However, after a while, he started to show up at my place frequently. Sometimes without telling me first. Invading my space and being around almost every day. We had a long and honest conversation about it where I told him that I don't feel comfortable. He respected that and said he will work on it.

We are talking a lot, and he is the first person I want to talk to when something good or bad happens. I have also tried not to be so harsh with him – I don't want to push him away all the time. Because he is just making an effort, right? I thought that because we are physically apart because of COVID, it would help. Instead, he calls me every day, sometimes even twice. I start to feel bad because I don't want to talk so much, and I'm way less attached to him than he is to me. We tried to work on it for two months now, but I had to tell him I need a break to organize my thoughts. I don't know if I don't like him enough and should end things, or if it's just because of me and my commitment issues.

- I Need Space


It sounds like your thoughts are pretty organized.

Before the pandemic, you tried your best to be happy in the relationship. Sometimes it worked. On occasion, when this guy respected your boundaries, the relationship was OK. But you never fell into a comfortable routine, and it was always a bit of a struggle. I mean, you thought the rules about social distancing might help the relationship. That says everything.

Break up with him so he can start the process of figuring out who else he can talk to during his stay-at-home life. Right now he’s reaching out to someone who doesn't want to answer his calls. Tell him you want him to get the support and companionship he needs, but you're just not up for it.

Also, please trust yourself. It's great that you're independent. I don't know that you have any sort of commitment issues. My outsider’s perspective is that from the start, you've liked this man enough to try, but not enough to make it last. That doesn't mean you have issues. All it means is that it's time to let go, and to cut off all communication with this particular man. That's what's best for both of you.

– Meredith

Readers? Time to end it? Commitment issues?