July 4 Weekend Updates
I assume some of you are traveling this weekend. Be safe. Wear a mask. We'll start the weekend early with some updates from former letter writers.
Feel free to send me your own new letters over the weekend. I'm staying home and am ready to read. Send to [email protected]
First, a pandemic update. This is one of many letter writers who wrote in with long-distance problems, and then, suddenly, there was no distance at all.
I'm the letter writer from late December 2019, asking for advice about going abroad and having a boyfriend who had been unfaithful to previous girlfriends. As I'm sure you know, this pandemic started with a travel ban on Europe... sending me home 2.5 months early. My boyfriend (who I maintained a great relationship with while abroad) met me at the airport, and now we're both in quarantine together, but having a great time!
This is an update from a letter writer who got an answer and is moving on.
I'm the recent letter writer who was in love with his music partner whose husband had died. After the letter was published, I said, "Several people who know us around town have told me that they think we'll end up together when you're ready." My partner pointedly said, "Not gonna happen." Instead, she has been trying to be my wingman.
It was devastating for a couple of days, and it stings to know that the person who most knows what I have to offer still doesn't want me, but it was also a relief to know where I stood and that I was free to move on. My area is a horrible place for someone like me to date. I’m expanding my horizons to nearby cities, as there are more women there who are my type and who are interested.
This is an update from someone who had a speech in their head.
I wrote a very, very sad-girl-hour (with oh so many Merlot-filled grammatical errors) love letter a few months ago before the pandemic. I was completely infatuated with the idea of my graduate school best friend. THANK GOD I TOOK YOUR ADVICE AND NEVER ADMITTED THOSE FEELINGS. I would never have gotten over the embarrassment. Thanks to taking some intentional space that turned into social distancing, I got a lot of time away from this friend and got some much needed clarity. I now have a Master's degree, and the chemical reaction I had to him has chilled out. Am I lonely sometimes? Sure. Who isn't right now? But I'm so glad to not be stressing about a relationship during this time and to be able to focus on my enduring friendships, and helping with COVID19 relief. I've learned two lessons: 1) if I really like someone, I need to be a little braver and say something. 2) I do not have to become best friends with my unrequited love's new partner. Not. Healthy. Really unpleasant. Be respectful, but stop inviting her over for dinner and lending her your clothes. Anyways, always appreciate having a place to navigate "love" and "hard likes" in! We all need some real talk sometimes.
Here's an update from people who are very happy.
You published my husband’s letter the day before our wedding. I've been reading Love Letters every single day for over 10 years, never missing a day even on vacation (I’m not ashamed!). The day before our wedding in Edinburgh rolled around though, we were both busy with our friends and family. I got a lot of texts that day saying “Have you read Love Letters today? Is this you guys?” But for the first time ever I didn't have time to read the column. At the bar after our rehearsal surrounded by friends and family, my husband got out his phone for me to read the column. I know the commenters will make fun of me for this, but it was honestly the best gift. My husband is so thoughtful and kind. I really hit the jackpot with him. You guys made our wedding extra special, even the commenters.
Fast forward almost 4 years – we have a child and have been living in Boston for three months! Fortunately his green card and our jobs were signed off a month before Covid hit. Although it’s been a rocky start to our new American life, we are so grateful to have gotten here. It’s extra lonely for him in this environment right now, but fortunately there’s a large British/Scottish community in the Boston area that I hope he can meet soon.
Thank you again for publishing his letter and "problem." It really means so much to us, especially me.
This last update is from a letter writer who has updated us before. The relationship is still going strong. The letter is from 2009. We were like 2 weeks old.
I saw your call for updates on Boston.com today! I was the "CA Cougar," and my boyfriend and I are still together (!) and it'll be 16 years this Fall 2020. He has shown himself to be even more committed as time has passed. We live in separate states and within 1.5 hours of each other. Some may say that is way too far; however, we've been 3000 miles apart, and just a year ago, it was nearly a five-hour drive to see him. "Together Living Apart" really works for us. We look forward to our reunion in a few weeks.
Thanks to everyone who shared where they are now. See you all Monday. (And other former letter writers, you can still send updates. Email to [email protected] with "update" in the subject line.)
Speaking of Love
"I always pass on good advice, it is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself." — Oscar Wilde, "An Ideal Husband"