Don’t settle for the first person you meet?

It's a holiday for some, not for others. We'll do a short letter today. Send your own relationship questions to [email protected] I'm reading under blankets.


My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now. We make each other extremely happy. We love and care for each other and it's just like a good relationship should be. However, my mum keeps saying "don't settle for the first person you meet."

I feel like this is her way of telling me not to stay with my boyfriend because there are "more guys out there," but after a traumatic past with boys, I don't really want to put myself out there like she did when she was my age. How do I respond to this advice? I feel like she doesn't like him and is worried I will actually be happy having him in my life forever (maybe).

– Happy

It doesn't sound like you've been walled off from the world, or that this is the first possible partner you've ever met. The sentence about your traumatic past suggests you know that this relationship is good because you do have some context. You understand how humans can behave, and you happen to like this one.

Also, you're not talking about marriage or permanence, at least not in this letter. It's your mum who's trying to figure out what might happen months and years from now.

Tell your loving parent that you're living in the moment and still learning about this significant other. If she gives you more unsolicited advice, you can thank her for her concern and let her know you'll give it some thought.

If she continues to bring it up, you're right, she might have more significant concerns about this one person. At that point, ask her why she's worried and if there's more to it than you missing out on other fish in the sea. One real back and forth about what's happening might end the conversation – or make it a better one.

– Meredith

Readers? Is mum giving good advice? Passive-aggressive advice? How would you deal with this kind of unsolicited advice?