Send your own relationship questions to [email protected] I am reading ... with apple cider in hand. And maybe a donut.
I know we are in COVID-19 times, but I do still hang out with particular friends when I know they're healthy. While hanging out at my friend's apartment back in May, I met this guy I'll call Romeo. We hit it off and exchanged numbers. We communicated back and forth for a few weeks, we went out on a date, and we continued communicating, but then my friend told me she saw a car in his garage the day after I went out on a date with him. My friend believed the car belonged to this girl that he was "talking" to before he met me.
Mind you, I was also talking to someone else, but that was never a serious relationship because we wanted to keep it open. I decided to tell Romeo, after he asked me on another date, that I am talking to another guy and think it's unfair to keep going on dates for that reason. He agreed but also confessed that he was also texting with three other women.
At the end of August, we saw each other again at our mutual friend's house. We gave each other a hug and it was nice. At that point I had stopped my open relationship with the other guy, so I decided to message Romeo to tell him it was great seeing him. He replied and asked if we should continue to get to know each other, and I agreed. But I have a dilemma: I feel ignored sometimes when he doesn't reply to my texts. He'll ask me how I am doing but for example, if I reply with two or more sentences, I don't seem to get a reply from him. But he'll send me a "good morning" text the next morning or a "how was your day/evening?" text. As if my two-plus paragraph text never existed.
I want to cut him off again for not acknowledging my messages, because if he wants to get to know me, more than "good morning" texts are necessary. Should I be honest and tell him that this is not going to work or should I be extra patient, not take him acknowledging my texts personally, and continue with this getting to know each other relationship?
– Confused but trying to be patient
I would ask him how he likes to communicate and talk about your expectations.
Some people aren't great at texting, or they believe that sending simple check-ins are the best (and easiest) way to show their interest. Meanwhile, there are people out there who would prefer not to receive a bunch of texts all day and would rather have a nice evening FaceTime call to catch up on what they missed. Part of getting to know someone is figuring out their natural rhythm for reaching out. Let him know you don't like it when those long text responses get ignored. Maybe the two of you would be better off with a phone call.
A call would also make it easier to figure out if he actually cares and wants to listen, and whether you have an interest in what he wants to share about his life. Texts can be sent without thought pretty quickly. But if it's face-to-face or voice-to-voice, you have to be concentrate and be present.
Remember that you're getting to know each other again, but this relationship isn't any more serious than it was when it started. It's brand new; you're still figuring out whether the two of you can be a good match. This might take some time and a lot of communication ... about communication.
Readers? How do you get on the same page with someone about checking in? Do you send or receive a "good morning?" text? I think that's a thing, but I would not want one.