We’ve been in limbo for months

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COVID-19 has been both a blessing and a curse for my love life.

I met this guy before the shutdown. We attended the same college and were in the same class that semester. He and I got relatively close after the shutdown. We both used this class for reasons to reach out. We spoke every week on the phone. Summer rolled around, and my daily routine became boring. He continued with his new job, which keeps him super busy. We spoke a bit less during the summer. He and I would butt heads; my fault, because I was scared to get too close to him. Before the shutdown, I could tell I might like him a lot. That scared me because we both had plans to transfer to different schools.

Now we are well into the fall semester. He transferred, and I will be transferring somewhere after this spring. I have become super busy with my classes. He continues to work a job that continues to get busier as November approaches. We are both swamped, which is good. This busy period has also left us in limbo. We talk every week at the same time. We take turns calling. As soon as it turns a specific time, my phone instantly rings, or I call him. We spend hours on the phone talking about anything and everything. I genuinely care for him, and I've told him he is important to me.

We'd had a fight where I tried to end it. I told him we did not have any more reasons to talk, and that I wished him the best with his future endeavors. After, I had explained that I was trying to force what was bound to happen. He was not fond of me tying our limbo into a bow and “kicking him out of my life." He had said that even though he was swamped, he would always get back to me, and we would continue talking. This was about two to three weeks ago.

Now we are three weeks after that call, and we still talk at a particular time during the week. We laugh and share so much. I tried to call him today, but no answer. I know I should not freak out since we have skipped days. This limbo has been weird and confusing. I'm not sure what to do because most days, the limbo is OK but, other days, I wish we were in a real relationship. Do you have any suggestions for this mess?

– Limbo


You say he was upset when you tried to "kick him out of your life."

I understand why he was hurt and frustrated that you were giving up, but it's OK for you to end things because the limbo doesn't work for you. The circumstances make your mind spin about why you're not together, when you'd ever be able to fix that, why he always calls, and what it means when he doesn't. Some people are really good with unanswered questions, but it doesn't sound like you're enjoying yourself. Again, there is no reason you have to agree to the status quo.

If you'd prefer to be in a relationship that offers more than phone calls and hope, you can consider being single for now – so that you're really available to meet others later. You're about to transfer to a different school. You and this man are both swamped. If your entire schedule revolves around one long conversation with this person, it's become too important. Maybe taking care of yourself means minimizing him in your life.

You can tell him you're not good at limbo, and that your reaction to a missed phone call shows what you really want from a relationship. He can't offer much right now. Continuing this through spring sounds ... exhausting.

– Meredith

Readers? Time to stop communication or set different boundaries? Or continue the status quo because ... why not?