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Deep breaths today.
Q. Time and time again, after four-plus successful dates and finally becoming comfortable with someone intimately, someone who seems to have all of their you know what together, poof – they vanish. It would be nice if I got some constructive criticism, but time and time again it's easier for somebody who's not into you to just disappear, I guess.
How many times can you get shot down while still trying to remain genuine and embrace your individuality? I am sure I am not for everyone and timing is everything, but come on?! Dating during pandemic life is tough enough; some advice on keeping it fresh would be much appreciated.
- 34 and over it
We've talked a bit about ghosting lately – how people should take the time to say a goodbye, even if it's only been a few dates. In your case, four dates is a lot of investment! These people spent hours with you; there's good reason to thank someone for their time before moving on.
My only advice – because you can't control other people – is to say your own goodbye. As in, "I'm not one for ghosting, so I just wanted to say it was great getting to know you. And I hope you're not actually interested and simply trapped under a pile of laundry." You know, something like that. Closure for yourself and a lesson for someone else.
I do think that pandemic dating is a little different. People are allowing for third and fourth dates where there might have only been one a year ago. They're trying to find a partner before winter, maybe, so they're spending more time on one person because it's difficult (and dangerous) to see multiple people at the same time. That could be why you experience more intense interest ... and then feel abandoned.
There's no great way to keep it fresh and without disappointments. The only thing I'd say is to be totally honest about your hopes, because carpe diem and all of that. It's a pandemic and we're frozen, post-election. It’s a great time for honesty. Don't give up on genuine. It's what's best for these times.
Readers? What do you tell someone who has dating fatigue, even in a pandemic?