‘My husband wants to have his parents over for Thanksgiving’
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Hi Meredith,
I have a timely relationship issue involving the current COVID pandemic. My husband wants to have his parents over for Thanksgiving. I'd prefer to bring them a plate and see them briefly outside, per local state and federal recommendations.
My husband doesn't understand "what the big deal is" about having two people over. But … I have a health condition that would be "a big deal" if I were to get COVID, so I prefer to not have anyone in our home right now. It's not that I don’t love my in-laws; I just don’t think it's smart to have anyone over while field hospitals are literally being set up across the state right now (!). He thinks I'm "being paranoid." I think he's not getting it. Is there a compromise I'm not seeing?
– Turkey Day Drama
Well, I side with you. Not that it helps.
You have good reason to be concerned about COVID – as do we all. Numbers have spiked, hospitals are preparing for the worst, we're being told by so many people in health care that the best thing to do is stay home. The end. I see no problem with asking for a group conversation about this so that your in-laws can hear your concerns. They might have their own. I think a lot of people have been timid about saying no this year.
Really, you've offered a wonderful compromise – food outside and a short visit. (Also, if you live around Boston, it looks like Friday will be good picnic weather.) The only other compromise I can think of is to tell your husband that your group can make a better, more specific plan for the next holiday. For Christmas, let's say, think about what everyone would need to do to feel safe in a room. Maybe it'll require two weeks of isolation and then tests for everyone before you have a meal. Figure it out now and work with a calendar.
I must say, this letter has me worried about your husband and empathy. If his "you're paranoid" answer didn't surprise you, it might be worth talking about with a counselor about communication.
– Meredith
Readers? How are you negotiating these decisions with partners?
Featured Comment
"If you truly are at high risk should you get COVID then that has precedent over your husband's laziness. You can't teach him how to care about you (he clearly doesn't... his parents are more important to him than you are), but you can stand up for yourself and refuse to have his parents come visit." – BigSigh