He was, and is still on, Tinder

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Recently (about a week ago) my boyfriend broke up with me. We met on Tinder and when we we got serious, I deleted my Tinder. We were doing really well for about four months and then he decided one day that he needed to find out what he wanted and ended the relationship.

I found out the other day that he still has an active Tinder account. I confronted him about it and he says he was only there to delete it because it was active our whole relationship ... but now he hasn't deleted it. I'm not sure if he's telling the truth, but now he won't talk to me and says I really hurt him by checking up on him this way.

I feel bad for snooping but I don't understand why he wouldn't have deleted the profile while we were together. And ... what's happening now? What should I do?

– Delete


If the two of you are broken up, his life on Tinder isn't your business. He can have whatever profile he wants. It might hurt to know he's out there, "finding out what he wants," but that’s how it goes. He's going to make choices without you. You don’t get to weigh in.

I do have to wonder how you saw his account. (It fascinates me that people who snoop never get into the details of how, when, etc.) Were you together, post-breakup? Is that how you got your hands on his phone? If the terms of this breakup feel wishy-washy, set boundaries. You shouldn't be anywhere near his stuff.

If you're angry he had an active Tinder account while you were dating, I get it, but I can't make guesses about why he didn't get rid of it. It's possible he forgot it was there, or that he deleted the app but not the profile. At this point, it seems like a waste of energy to get upset about something that won't affect you now.

I understand why you're looking for answers about a relationship that ended just as things were getting good. Remind yourself that you don’t want to be with someone who bails without warning. Help yourself by believing it's over. Feel sad. Grieve it. Discontinue all investigations.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you deal with questions about a relationship when you have them after said relationship is over?