I compare everyone to my high school sweetheart

Time to send your letter. Tell me any and all problems about relationships and being single. Email [email protected] or fill out the form.

I am still not over my high school sweetheart. It has been almost 30 years and I still think about her every day. I no longer feel pain but I do miss her and will always love her. I was married, now divorced, and in all of my relationships, none compared to what I had with my high school sweetheart. Unfortunately, she is happily married with children. We recently "caught up" by talking late into the morning over text. It was if we never stopped talking. We joked around, shared memories, laughed, etc.

After that interaction, she has grown distant. She is uncomfortable talking to me because she does not want her husband to find out. She has no intention of leaving her husband. But I continue to think about her on a daily basis. This may or may not end up affecting my future relationships if I have any. Thanks for listening!

– Reminiscing


We say this a lot here, but sometimes when we're longing for a person from our past, we're thinking about the when and maybe less about the who. I don't know what high school was like for you, but her role in your world back then was clearly meaningful. Fun. Formative. But you did break up for some reason. You were not able to grow together – or one of you, at the very least, wanted other experiences.

You have no idea how she'd fit into your life now. Sure, you've fantasized about what it might be like, but that's fiction. You don't know whether she gets annoyed with shared household tasks, whether she'd be a good partner in quarantine, or how attracted you'd be to each other as older people. In fact, all you know is that you're making her uncomfortable. Doesn't sound like a match to me.

Your goal should be finding someone for now. Why would you compare prospective partners to a person who made you happy as a teenager? Honestly, it sounds like an easy way to dismiss anyone who crosses your path. It’s like me comparing men to my poster of Christian Slater from 1992 ... which was on my ceiling until 1995. The poster was from the early '90s comedy "Kuffs." Yes, the film still exists in the world, and maybe I could get through watching it for kicks on some random night, but I think I can find something better to spend my time with now.

– Meredith

Readers? Do you compare people you meet to someone you loved 30 years ago? What does it mean if you do? Remember "Kuffs?"