I would move to be with him

Chat at 1 p.m.

Send your own relationship question to [email protected] or fill out the form. Tell us everything.

I was in a very bad place in my life and then I met him. He was 10 years my senior and he lived in another state. He brought beauty, laughter, and hope with him. Needless to say, the casual friendship turned into a long-distance, intense three-year relationship.

We saw each other when time allowed, but I wanted more. I suggested that I move to his state to be closer to him. His response was "that's not a good idea," and then he became emotionally distant. It felt like I was losing my very best friend. I couldn't handle it so I broke it off. I lost my heart and some of myself on that day. He wanted to see me, to change my mind about distance, but how long would that last?

Two and a half years went by with very little words or interaction. I became very ill, and he found out through a mutual friend. He was by my side and remained with me until I got better. We spoke daily after that and the emotions that were once there came back. One day he asked, "Why haven't you met Mr. Right?" I said, "Because no one could compare to you." I asked him the same thing and he said, "Because I couldn't find anyone like you."

We don't see each other, but we still chat and write each other. Here's my question: it is still long-distance, and sooner or later I will want more, especially after this pandemic. Whenever I mention wanting a closer relationship (not necessarily with him) he says, "Just wait – your Mr. Right will come, just be patient." What should I do? Patience is not my strong suit. And maybe I could wait if I had reassurance that we could have a relationship where I could be with him more than one or two weekends a month.

– Distant


"Patience is not my strong suit."

It might be. You’ve waited a very long time. No more of that, please.

This man isn't asking you to wait, and that's the answer. He’s telling you that he is not your endgame. Mr. Right (ugh) – some fictional man he's created – is apparently on his way. Mr. Right is the person he wants you to be with when it counts. Your not-a-boyfriend sees himself as a placeholder, and he doesn't seem to understand that by waiting in the parking spot with his hazards on to save it for the right car, he's actually blocking the parking space for anyone but himself. What a Masshole move.

I can't tell you why he's doing this. Maybe his feelings for you aren't strong enough, or perhaps he's denying himself happiness because that's his thing. It doesn't matter. All you can do is believe what he's telling you and seek out someone else, the kind of person who wants to show up every day. A partner who rallies to be with you for health, not just sickness. Let's call him Mr. Real.

This needs to be a breakup. Make sure this man understands that this is a real goodbye. Don't compare new people to him because it will take time to get to know them. That's when patience comes in handy.

– Meredith

Readers? Mr. Right?