He can’t leave his girlfriend

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I'm with someone who's with someone else. He has a girlfriend but she is very manipulative and abusive. He and I connect and he says he loves me. He really is a different person around me and says he's truly himself. He is the kindest person. He says he's been kinder to himself because of me.

Why is he still with his girlfriend? Because she says like if he ever leaves her, she will harm herself (and other threats). He says he has lost feelings for her, but somehow she is happy staying in the relationship. He says he will leave her at some point.

What does this mean? Is he saying things simply to make her happy, and that's why she wants him to stick around? Or is he just telling me things and actually loves her – me being the person on the side. He asked me out a few days ago and is aware that he is cheating and doesn't mind. I'm not sure if he loves both of us or just me and is lying to her. What do I do? What does this mean?

– Waiting


You want to date a single person who is available to you. That means you should let go of this person until he's single. The end.

If he's worried about his girlfriend potentially harming herself or others, he needs to seek help and talk to a professional about how to end the relationship safely, for all parties. But that's not your thing. It's his process.

It's possible, by the way, that after the relationship is over, he'll need to get process what he was dealing with. You have no idea whether he'll be ready for a new partnership. You need to let him figure this out on his own.

Protect yourself and let him know you want more than he can offer at the moment. Tell him you have to do what's best for you.

You can think about bonding with someone new who comes to you with no strings attached. And if you want to take time off from dating, that's OK too! Just know that this man is only good for you – and available to you in real ways – if he's single. Keep repeating that to yourself.

Right now, he is not.

– Meredith

Readers? Should the LW wait for this person?