I'm a happily married man. However I can't help but think back to a vacation I took with a co-worker of mine over a decade ago. It's clear there's something still between us, and everyone at work knows there's a weird tension in the air.
Both myself and my co-worker reminisce about our vacation from time to time, but leave it at that. What's the best approach for this situation? Cruising for an answer.
Stop talking to this co-worker about the vacation. Keep your conversations focused on business. If you need camaraderie in the workplace, talk to some of those other people. You don't have to ice this person out or be rude, but there's no reason for you to give them special attention.
As you focus on changing you behavior, think about your marriage. You say nothing about what makes you happy at home. Please make a list (a real list, on paper) of all the reasons you're excited and feel lucky to be with your actual partner. Write about vacations you've taken together – some of which were probably a lot more meaningful than the one you took with your work friend.
Do a big reality check. You're going to have crushes during your marriage. You're going to remember moments with others that could have been more, had you been single. Accept that those experiences were skipped because you chose – and continue to choose – your actual partner. You can acknowledge that there’s potential with others, but it's your decision to cruise home. Understanding your own control over all of this might help.
Readers? What happens when you're married but stuck on a crush?