I want to stop talking about money

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I love my fiancée and want to spend the rest of my life with her. We have been together for almost four years now. I make about two and half times what she makes, and I believe I'm a better spender/saver than her (although she does not go crazy with her money and is a good spender, too).

But she constantly talks about money – how much I'm going to give her. What I'm going to buy her. She says she will be expensive when we get married. She does not like the idea that I do not want to "join" our money and suggests we should join our money now. How can I stop the money talk? We love each other and get along great, but money is not what we should talk about always.

– Money talk


I'm not sure you should stop the money talk. If you want to marry this person, you'll need to be on the same page about finances. She's made it clear that she expects this to be a partnership that involves a lot of gifts and expenses you know will make you uncomfortable. You should think about whether this will really work. You have different values. Why would that change after a wedding?

You didn't tell us what works about the relationship, but people here will tell you that money problems can cancel out a lot of the good stuff. Consider meeting with her and a financial adviser about budgeting and how the two of you will spend money as a couple. Explain that it's a way to plan for a romantic future together. To know how to manage a household with your different incomes in the mix. I think that kind of meeting can be a pretty romantic thing because it's all about building a happy life. Maybe that kind of discussion with a third party will also make it easier to feel good about combining finances.

If she's unwilling to have a real talk and continues with these "I'm expensive" warnings, consider your choices. She's telling you her expectations. Please listen and make decisions accordingly.

– Meredith

Readers? What should the LW be considering right now?