Looking for the right woman

Send me a questions about your relationship (or the relationship you're looking for). Email it to [email protected] or fill out this form.

And updates: former letter writers from all years, please tell us how you're doing and what you need to know (if anything). Email your update to [email protected] with "UPDATE" in the subject line. Make sure you include info about which letter you wrote.

I'm 52 years old. I'm single and I seem to have a hard time finding the right woman.

I have been scammed by woman on two dating sites; I'm so stupid to have allowed myself to believe these women's phony emergencies. I lost my mom in July 2017 at age of 83 years old and my dad in November 2012 at the age of 85.

My insecurity in life and as a man is that it's the role of a man to pursue a woman. I don't know how to attract a woman, especially when I'm living paycheck-to-paycheck to survive. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone forever; I want to be happy with the right woman. How do I go about meeting the right person?

– Looking


Please know that dating apps can be confusing. They're meant to help people meet in person, but if two people wind up going back and forth for a long time without truly seeing each other's lives, scamming can happen. I'm sorry you got wrapped up in fictional problems. You're not the only one who's been through this, but that doesn't make it any better.

My advice is to get help with these apps, whether it's from a savvy friend or family member, or a paid service where someone can navigate the system with you. If you google, there are some dating coaches who will spruce up your profile and help you decide whether you're being told the truth. Some are pretty inexpensive or have rates based on what you can pay. Honestly, it's good to do this with someone who cares. I don't know many people who do apps without checking in with someone for expertise.

Also, please know that the role of a man is … well, it's the same as the role of any human, in my opinion. Be honest, kind, and genuine with people in your life. Not every woman expects to be pursued. Eventually, many people want partnership, so maybe they want less of the playing pretend and empty chivalry, and more of what you really offer, which might not be a ton of money, but real companionship. Good company is very valuable.

But first, find a dating app friend. No one should have to swipe alone.

– Meredith

Readers? Pep talk? Thoughts?