I want more of his time

I loved the geography debate yesterday. Thank you.

In other news, a basement leak prevents me from chatting today. Next week.

And this is a great day to send me a letter. What's going on with your love life right now? Is the summer providing all you hoped it would? Send your own relationship/dating questions/problems to [email protected] or fill out this form, please. 

Dear Meredith,

I’ve been dating a wonderful guy for the past few months. He makes me so happy and I can feel myself really falling for him (and I’m pretty sure he’s falling for me too). His last relationship moved super fast and ended up imploding, so he wants to take it slow with us to avoid repeating that mistake. Which is fine with me – in theory. I’ve read all the articles saying that moving slow is the way to go and builds a stronger relationship.

What bothers me is how much time we spend together. We only see each other once a week and there have been times when we’ve both been free and he'd rather be alone. I've tried to rationalize why this might be (besides the moving slow thing): we live and work almost an hour away from each other so the after work commute is a strain. He's also going through a busy period with family and work right now so he needs downtime to recover. When we’re together, it’s really good quality time. No phones, no TV, just spending time getting to know each other. And we talk and text every single day! So I'm getting exactly what I need in this relationship! But I want MORE time. And I can’t seem to fully rationalize my time-jealous heart that everything is OK and that this pace is actually good for us both.

– I just want to take his time


"But I want MORE time."

That's OK! This pace has been great for a while, and I love that when you spend together, you're really paying attention.

But ... you can talk about growing what you have. Does he ever wish you were around, even for some TV time, on a second night? Is that worth trying, just to see how it feels? If you spend part of a night texting or calling him, you're already on each other's minds. Bring up some new ideas – because you're ready.

I don't think a second night of in-person interaction – if he's willing to have it – means you're speeding toward implosion. You're at the point where you want to know more about him. You want to know what it's like to be disengaged, but in his company. Again, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Because if he's not in a place where he can give you any more of his hours – if he wants to keep you separate from all of those life stresses – this isn't going to go very far. He might not be in a place for partnership, and that's OK too. But it is something to know. Maybe, because of timing, it's not a match.

I guess I'm saying that it's lovely you're being patient, and I absolutely understand his need for space and down time. But it would be nice to make small changes to see what happens. If that's a no-go in his mind, you'll need to make choices.

– Meredith

Someone, please write a song called "My Time-Jealous Heart." Also, is this the time to be patient or ask about a next step?