Maybe we’re only friends with benefits

Let me think about your problems all weekend. What's going on with your love life right now? Send your own relationship/dating questions/problems to [email protected] or fill out this form, please. 

Hi Meredith,

I met a very nice, respectful, and thoughtful man on a dating app. We were talking for months through Whatsapp and video calls as, well since I was working far away. He picked me up at the airport and that was the very time we met. It was an amazing first meeting. On his way home from dropping me off at home, he had a car accident, which totaled his car and he was hospitalized for days – which I didn't know because he had lost his phone in the car crash.

In those days, I thought that he had ghosted me. I was about to move on and then suddenly I received a message from him explaining the accident. From then on, we continued to communicate but we only see each other every weekend because he works weekdays and he lives far from me.

Fast forward to today. Our conversation is becoming dry and we barely see each other even on weekends because "he has work," which I try to understand, but I want to spend more time with him since I am leaving again to work far away. And by the way, we haven't talked about what we really are. I really like this man and I want to pursue a relationship with him, but right now I somehow feel that we are in a friends-with-benefits situationship. Should I be the one to ask him about what we really are? I really hope you can advise me.


Ask. Why wouldn't you?

Be clear about the questions. At the moment, you want to know a) if you're in an exclusive romantic relationship with this person and b) if there can be more time set aside to allow the relationship to grow. If he says you're a couple, but that he doesn't have time to see you more often, you're not a happy couple. Make decisions accordingly.

Please remember that you don't have much to lose here. If he answers your questions with a shrug, you'll be able to leave for your next trip knowing that it's OK to cut ties. It would be sad to lose him, and yes, you've invested some time here, but you've learned plenty about what you want from a partner, so all of this has been worth the effort.

To be honest, it does sound like he's stepping back, maybe because he's busy, maybe because he's hit a wall.

But so have you.

You want someone who can see you – in person, maybe frequently. If it can't be him, it's time to know.

– Meredith

Readers? Do the questions even need to be asked?