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During COVID, my husband and I were in a pod with another couple (family friends). We spent a ton of time together until I started noticing that my hubby and my so-called friend were getting a little too close – confiding in each other and looking generally too smitten when we all hung out. I've voiced my concerns several times in the last six months only to get pushback from my husband.
Recently, during a group get together, my friend sat on my husband's lap and posted the photo on social media. I was livid, and ultimately, she removed the picture. Question is, should I cut my friend out of my life completely or try to maintain some sense of normalcy (minimal get togethers)?
Advice would be much appreciated!
– Friend or Frenemy
It sounds like you need to have a bigger conversation with your husband. That's your primary relationship here.
It's nice to support a spouse's evolving friendships, but this one has felt different to you all along. That word "smitten" – you know it when you see it. It's inevitable that people have crushes on others, even if they're madly in love with their longtime partner. But this is where the boundaries come in. This is when there can be a talk about how to have fun without anyone feeling miserable.
Tell your husband you're not seeking excuses, denials, or reasoning; you just want to be heard as you process the last year. Then tell him you're ready to listen to his take on the experience. Maybe he'll tell you more about the friendship. Maybe he can tell you how he feels about you.
After that, consider what's best for you and the friend. A talk could help, but it sort of depends on how close you are and what happens between you and your husband.
I'll remind you that at the moment, there is no "sense of normalcy." You spent a ton of time with these people during COVID. Now we're dealing with Delta and figuring out how to keep each other – and our community – safe. You don't have to go back to the old routine. It's ever-changing for all of us.
Readers? Talk to the husband? Talk to the friend? Cut the friend out? What should happen here?