I’m 65-plus and looking for men who aren’t catfishing
I'm ready to read your letters all weekend. What's going on with your relationship life? Everything? Nothing? Send your own questions to [email protected] or fill out this form, please.
I am an intelligent and savvy 65-plus woman living on the south coast of Massachusetts. Sadly, I’ve had two failed marriages. The first I married too young. The second was to a man I met through a Boston magazine ad over 20 years ago. I foolishly stayed in our marriage despite being verbally and emotionally abused. Just like the first marriage, he ended up abandoning me.
I’ve been in my own for several years now. I live in a small town near the Cape that really has no social activities for singles. Once in a while I’ve tried to meet men on dating sites. Nine-nine percent of the time they end up being catfishers. This has been a very disappointing experience. I even joined local organizations but unfortunately they never worked out. I’m at my wits end on what I could do to meet a nice man. I’m not marriage minded. I just am looking for companionship. The town is mostly family oriented. I’m open to any suggestions.
– Single on the Cape
My suggestion is to do some driving (or commuter railing), if possible. If you feel limited by geography, join an activity that brings you somewhere new. If it helps, ask a friend to come with you. Carpooling is nice.
I'm not saying that going from Marion to Falmouth will change your life (just naming some towns here). But … it's been an isolating year and a half, and even traveling a new street might give you more hope for who exists in the world.
Similarly, I'd expand the range on your dating app. Yes, some people on those platforms will be liars and catfishishers, and that’s why it's good to ask for a Zoom, at the very least, within the first few messages. But real people are on apps. And I bet there are a bunch of city people who wouldn't mind a drive to a water-adjacent place for some nice company.
I know I'm not offering a magic solution. Unfortunately, there isn't one. It’s about asking people for help (set-ups, etc.), continuing to search (and take breaks), and doing your best to enjoy everything else about your life. Finding companionship in other ways – platonic ways – helps too.
Also, I've heard multiple stories about people being catfished by men who said they were "gold miners." Curious to know what stories you (or anyone else) hears from the impostors. Feel free to share – as a public service.
Readers? New ideas?
Speaking of Love
"I love you, in a really, really big pretend-to-like-your-taste-in-music, let-you-eat-the-last-piece-of-cheesecake, hold-a-radio-over-my-head-outside-your-window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you." — Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy