I am a student at a small liberal arts college and I have a small crush on who I like to call the “Ryan Reynolds” of our campus. He is sweet and genuine, but also tall and has really nice shoulders. He is a soccer player, an international student (yes, he does have a beautiful, beautiful accent), in a few leadership positions on campus, musically talented, and always has a smile. Everyone loves him. And you know how straight men have this thing for Ryan Reynolds? Same applies.
I am a straight woman who has high standards and apparently is shooting for the stars. So I want to ask him out for coffee. But I barely know him. Well, I know quite a lot about him, but I am practically a stranger to him. Should I do this? I have conversed with friends, who all believe that I should go for it and they are not in the least bit surprised that I am considering doing this. Part of me wants to prove to myself that I can ask out a hot guy, but is it OK to possibly put him through that too?
– Blake Lively wannabe
This is timely, because as far as I know Ryan Reynolds is in Boston right now filming a Christmas movie. My friend lives near where he’s been filming, and she said there’s been a lot of singing. He’s apparently good at that too.
Anyway, perhaps Ryan Reynolds has become a Love Letters reader while living in Boston. Ryan, feel free to join the comments section. I’ll even make you the featured comment if you reach out to me directly. I’m sure you can figure out how.
Here’s a thing about Ryan Reynolds that he might not know. I think he is attractive, talented, I loved “Deadpool,” etc. I think he can really carry a film.
But … when I think about “perfect people” (who are probably not perfect in real life), I want to date Robert Pattinson. In a vampire coat. That is my thing, as we know.
My point is, maybe everyone loves your campus version of Ryan, but they’re not all trying to date him. They’re also not trying to get to know him as a human. And that’s why I have this advice: instead of treating him like this big experiment – like you’re shooting for the stars (a.k.a some supernatural hot guy) – why don’t you get to know him? Ask him for coffee but with the expectation that you’ll learn more about who he is in real life. You can even say, “I just wanted to get to know you better because you seem really cool and into a lot of great things. Seems like it might be fun.” He’s a human who probably doesn’t want to be a game that you win if he says yes.
Also know that he might disappoint. Having high standards shouldn’t prevent you from understanding that no one can live up to being the prize of all men on campus. Make space for him to be a regular person with moods, hopes, concerns, etc. Even lovely soccer players have flaws and feelings. I learned this from Ted Lasso.
Good luck and keep us posted. And actually, forget Ryan. Blake, if you’re here and want to help this letter writer get perspective, feel free.
Readers? If you’re practically a stranger, how do you ask someone out?