Is he a love bomber?

We chat at 1 p.m.

And ... send your relationship questions via this form, please – or email [email protected]. Are you dating and exhausted? Trying to read mixed signals? Coupled and concerned? Being love bombed? I'm here to read.

I met a man. Things started moving quicker than expected and it felt as though he was love bombing me. I ignored his over-excitement and just took things slow. I now have stronger feelings for him but we aren't officially together – and he does have other options.

He often speaks about how he could see a future with me. In person, we have decent chemistry, but whenever we are together it's really just business (with a dash of pleasure). When we are apart, his communication skills are completely nonexistent and sometimes dry. It wasn't always that way, but in the beginning I was the dry one because I didn't know how to respond to the love bombing.

I don't want to fall in love with the idea of him instead of who he actually is. Meanwhile, his level of interest – on a scale of 1 to 10 – is 12, he claims. That worries me because maybe he doesn't know how to love. I feel as though he is trying to fill some sort of void because the one he truly loves got away. He even wrote a song about her and frequently brings her up and says she will always be the one. Is this a situation I should get myself into? Should I be worried that he is using me so he doesn't feel lonely? What if we start dating and she randomly comes back into his life? Will he leave me for her?

I don't know what to do. What if the love bombing was just his way of trying to manipulate me into being with him because he is alone? I know that I care for him and would consider dating him, but I don't want an unnecessary heartbreak if I can avoid one.

What do I do? I don't have anyone to talk to about this, which is why I found myself on this column.

– Love bombed?


"I don't have anyone to talk to about this, which is why I found myself on this column."

Welcome. We are absolutely people to talk to. Or talk at. And we have opinions.

Mine is that you should drop this person and look elsewhere for love. This whole letter is about him – you trying to decode what he wants, what he’s asking for, how he might disappoint you. Meanwhile, I'm not convinced you're that into him. Sure, you're curious, but he's been mostly talk and less action. This is a problem for you. "Nonexistent and dry" are not the words I want to read in a letter about potential.

I don't think he's love bombing; he's just inconsistent.

Also, despite desperately wanting to hear the song he wrote about his ex, I don't love that you know about this composition. I'm not sure why his former relationship has been such a big part of your conversations. He said she will always be the one? That means she will always be the one! Where does that leave you?

The world is bigger than this man. If it's going nowhere and it’s mostly hypothetical, try something else. Or time by yourself. Write your own song.

– Meredith

Readers? Thoughts on this man's intentions? Any reason to play this out? Is the excitement the letter writer experienced at the beginning clouding the reality here?