Am I too short to get a date?

Send your relationship questions via this form, please – or email [email protected]. Are you dating and exhausted? Trying to read mixed signals? Coupled and concerned? Looking for a shorter man? I'm here to read.

I keep hearing that I look too young and short for my age. I am 23 years old and 5'0''. All the women I have come across end up rejecting me because I "look too young for them." One woman I built a friendship with for four years once said, "If only you were taller, I would have given you a chance." This was one of the last statements that made me lose hope to get a girlfriend.

I've wanted a girlfriend since I was 15. At first I was too shy to even flirt. Then I realized that being shy was not going to get me anywhere close to getting a girlfriend. I decided to break out of my shell and flirt – and the result was always the same. No matter how much I tried, I heard: "You look too young for me," "You are too short," "I thought you were 12 years old," "We are better off being just friends."

Is there a way around this? Some show interest but then it’s friendship. I’ve never had a relationship before.

– Short


Listen, I’m not going to lie to you. There are many straight women in my life who have told me over the years that they want to date men who are taller than them. I never really understood that requirement. Maybe that's because most people are taller than I am.

But actually, there’s more to it than that. When I was younger (college), one of my crushes was on a guy who was probably about your height. I wasn't the only person who found him to be dreamy. He was very good looking and had an energy about him. Confidence. Humor. A vibe. He did not reciprocate my crush. (He was lovely as a friend, too.)

My point is, so much of this can be about how you see yourself and your reaction to these unfortunate comments. If someone says "You look too young for me," you can reply, "Luckily, I'm not." "You are too short" = "You’d be surprised by what someone my height can do." I mean, don't get too gross, but the point is, you can let people know you think they're missing out on something great. "Suit yourself; I had some pretty great plans for us."

If the object of your affection is under 5'4'', you can tell them that's the height difference between Tom Holland and Zendaya. They're on my mind because I just saw a picture of them from the "Dune" premiere and I was like, that's right, normalize gorgeous tall women being with shorter guys in suits. It looked good.

As soon as someone tells you you're not enough, let them go. No years (or even months) of wishing and hoping. Too bad for them. Moving on.

– Meredith

Readers? How much of this is about attitude? Any tips? Do you have height requirements when dating?