After six years, he’s still not open with his life

Send your relationship questions via this form, please – or email [email protected]. Are you dating and exhausted? Trying to read mixed signals? Coupled and concerned? Compartmentalized? I'm here to read.

I have been with the same man in a committed relationship for over six years now. We became "friends" on social media about two years ago however, the rest of his "friend list” is blocked to me. Mine is wide open for him to see as I have nothing to hide. I asked him about this a couple of times, and both times he threw out some lame excuse about how he isn't good with social media and/or he doesn't answer my questions and tried to change the subject.

I let it go until recently, when a friend said that it would be unacceptable to her, as that is keeping me separate from a big part of his life … and ... who is he hiding on the list of friends? He does compartmentalize his life (or maybe just me), and I have only on a few occasions been invited to family holiday functions (that he knew I wouldn't be able to attend due to me working most holidays). I’ve never been invited to gatherings with his group of friends from a recreational sport league, and I was only recently introduced to one family member. I feel disrespected. Am I wrong to expect my six-plus year beau to be more open with his life?

- Compartmentalized


"Am I wrong to expect my six-plus year beau to be more open with his life?"

You're not wrong if it's what you want from a relationship. It also makes sense that you want to meet more important people in his life – because it’s another way of getting to know him. Of feeling like you're partnered. I'm all for having separate lives, privacy, and nights out with friends without a significant other, but you feel shut out. That's no good.

And after six years, yeah, this is a little suspicious!

If you haven't asked him about this, get to it. The "friend list" stuff is less important (to me, at least). His real-life community is where you want to start.

Maybe focus on how nice it felt to meet one family member. Is there anyone else in his life you've been curious about? What about making plans with a few friends? A double date?

Make it clear you're not asking to crash everything; it's about the limitations of the status quo and how that makes you feel. Maybe he wants to limit the potential of the relationship. If so, you need to know that too.

If he can't talk about this or make changes, you should think about whether this can last. You don't want a compartmentalized life.

– Meredith

Readers? What's happening here?