I hope everyone will get some time with others this weekend – and also some time by themselves, just to unwind.
The first is from a recent letter writer who was dating someone who didn’t have time for them.
I wrote-in about how "He Doesn't Have Much Time For Me." The feedback was on point, namely the reminder that all conversations need not be confrontations, and also that, yeah... he just may not be that into me. What also resonated were several comments suggesting that "something was off.” I thought about that a lot.
I did initiate a direct conversation about it all, in person. He was great about hearing me out and acknowledged his part, but it hasn't changed anything. I've continued to see him on and off, but I've let go of any expectations. He and I have opposite schedules, no way around it, no chance of that changing anytime soon. It's disappointing, but that's life. I'm glad I gave it an honest shot. Appreciate all the advice.
Thanks for that update, LW. Of course ... I do wonder whether people think you should be seeing him at all, and whether you’re still (technically) giving this a shot. But ... I'll let everyone weigh in.
I’ve thought a lot about the letter writer who was having issues with his wife about rules for a summer party. It’s so difficult to set boundaries when COVID news changes so much by the day, and our comfort levels might not match up to consistent rules. The letter ran in July, and of course in hindsight, the risk might have been so different. But this is the thing; it just keeps changing. I reached out and asked what happened with the party.
I promised my wife that I would prepare much of the food in advance and set up the tables and outdoor furniture, but I made arrangements to be away from the house before the guests arrived. We did not speak about my issue with “Fred” again, but we both were clear on where we stood. A few days before the party, the weatherman provided a face-saver: the forecast was for possible rain on party day. My wife called our friends and canceled. I felt as if she did this for me (the chance of rain was small, and, in the end, it didn’t materialize).
We have since had several conversations about this, and we’re on the same page now. Those who won’t get vaccinated threaten us all. As for tips, I stated my position repeatedly. My wife didn't say anything, but she did hear me and she did ultimately respond. I don't know if this is right or wrong, but it worked for us. We don't disagree often, but it was clear to both of us that this time I was worked up about something that I believed was important. We made our positions clear, did not insult or belittle each other, and she made the decision to let the party go. I was fine either way, but if there had been a party I was not going to attend.
Based on recent letters, I know these questions and conflicts will continue. I do hope we can set boundaries and respect them. Lovingly.
Have a good weekend. Keep me posted.