Do I need to see him again for closure?

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I had this massive crush – or love – for this guy for four years in high school. I never told him, but I suspected he knew.

After graduation, it was hard to get over him, but I did. But when I saw him on social media or things like that, I just followed along, hoping he was OK.

This weekend I saw him on a bar. I was so nervous when I saw him because when COVID hit and lockdown happened, I start working on myself and I promised myself I would tell him how I feel back in high school – so I could have closure.

The weekend happened. I was kind of drunk. I saw him at that bar and we talk a little bit, and some feelings came back. I don't remember much because of the alcohol, but my friend recorded some videos and pictures. We held hands and were very close, but I felt really vulnerable – and I feel like the feelings where not mutual. So I'm kind of back of the beginning of the situation.

It felt like a little bit of closure, but I kind of want to see him again to see how he reacts. Would that bring more closure?

– How to get over it


You say you promised yourself you'd tell him how you felt in high school – for closure. Well, it sounds like you did that, in actions if not words. You held hands and flirted – and did whatever else was in pictures and on video. He played a long a little, but ... you're saying it didn’t look mutual. Also, he hasn’t reached out since then (right?).

That's your closure. He had the opportunity to start something with you, and he didn't take any steps to make that happen. It's disappointing, but now you know what's what.

Yes, you could see him again and ask the very specific questions ("Do you have romantic feelings for me? Want to go on a date?"), but again, you already know what he'll say – or what he should say, if he's being honest. Let that be your closure.

For the record, I don't think you're looking for closure. Maybe that's not the right word. I think you want some justification for hope – to be proven wrong. Or maybe you want him to reject you in a way that hurts you enough to destroy your daydreams.

But you can let go of this on your own. Anyone who doesn't show up for you is giving you a final answer. If he were your dream man, he would want you back.

Think about other crushes you've had over the years, even if it was someone far away, a celebrity, etc. Remember that this man isn't everything. He's just your high school crush. Say your own lines out loud: "I feel like the feelings where not mutual. So I'm kind of back of the beginning of the situation."

Move on from there.

– Meredith

Readers? See him again? What would happen if the LW made that happen? Closure?