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I have been married for over four years now. We're separated right now and have been for about a year. Christmas 2020 I told my husband I cheated on him during the summer of 2020. It happened when I went to visit family in the city where I used to live.
During the time I was at home with my husband, I couldn't stop thinking of the guy I cheated with. He was on my mind all day and night. My husband ended up taking me to the airport, and I went back to my old home. I contacted the man I cheated with and quickly fell in love with him.
Months later, he had to move away. He also left me for another woman (after I had a miscarriage). He and that woman are no longer together.
We were at the point where we were sharing a dog, but he hasn't visited or seen her in two months now. I miss and still love him. What am I supposed to do now?
Build a life where you are, and assume this man won't be in it. He was part of a cheat – a betrayal you haven't seemed to process much.
After you left your husband and sought this man out, he offered very little, at least for the long term. He moved away. He found someone else. He couldn’t even commit to your dog.
This year was a re-start for many people. It sounds like you were ready to leave your husband and were looking for ways out. You found one in human form.
Now, instead of focusing on love, think about what you'd like life to look like in another year. Do you want to complete the divorce so you don't have ties elsewhere? What work would you like to do, and where would you like to live?
Write a wish list for yourself that doesn't include romantic partners. You can fit those in, eventually, around whatever world you create.
You're stuck because you're pining for someone who can't be more than an affair. You love how he made you feel ... but that stopped. He is not part of your reality. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll find happiness.
Readers? What should the LW focus on now?