I think I was bad at sex

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I am 20 and was in a "situationship" with a guy over the summer. I met him through mutual friends. We dated for about a month. The only problem was that he had just broken up with his girlfriend of nine months or so a month earlier. He told me that she still called him, and that he told her he'd reconsider the relationship in September when they went back to school (we all go to the same school). I know that was a huge red flag, but I still kept hanging out with him.

Eventually we had sex – the last time we hung out. The problem is, that was only the second time I'd ever had sex, so I can't say it was the smoothest experience. I think he was kind of caught off guard by that, since he is very experienced. I've never had a real boyfriend, just a few dalliances here and there.

He ended things with me shortly after we had sex. When the semester started, I ran into him a few times, but we never really talked. That's when he hit me with the text saying that he didn't want to lead me on, he still had stuff to work out with his ex, and thought it best to end things. I cant help but feel like he ended things because I didn't know what I was doing. How do I get over this? How do I move on and not fear intimacy knowing that I am, quite frankly, bad at sex?

- Once Was Enough


A list to read whenever you start to spiral about this:

1.You are not monumentally bad at any of this. I mean, maybe there was some awkwardness because it was new, but that kind of problem goes away when you're with someone who communicates. He didn't.

2. Everyone has moments of feeling insecure about this stuff. I say this to a lot of letter writers who feel like their lack of experience holds them back. A person might have had a lot of sex, but they've never had sex with you. They don't know what you like. They're trying to figure it all out too, if they're someone who cares.

3. This man told you exactly why he might break up with you. He went into the relationship saying he was not done with his ex. He even said he might get back together with her when he returned to school. He let you know your relationship was going to be temporary. It sounds like that was the exact reason he bailed. He communicated that part well, so don't forget!

4. Maybe the breakup would have been easier to take – maybe you wouldn't be jumping to conclusions about yourself – if you'd had more experiences with him before he ended things. I think the one-night-only part of the story is what weighs on you, and I can understand why. But don't assume anything unless you know it to be true. He did exactly what he said he would do, based on other things happening in his life. That's all you know.

5. Stop replaying it all. Go back to Point 1.

– Meredith

Readers? Pep talk, please?